We’re spoiled nowadays with our symmetrical Douglas firs and hearty blue spruces. Perfectly shaped. Even distribution of branches and nettles. A neat and tidy six to eight feet tall and easily tied to the roof of the car for easy transport home.

This is all a modern invention, of course, the result of agricultural science and commercial farms and pop-up tree lots that sell the 25–30 million trees sold annually in America. Before all that, Christmas trees were just..well….

More branches, more room for tinsel!

Cue the Charlie Brown music

Width = height

Width > height

Should we climb it or decorate it?

Barely room to fit a present under it

Symmetry? What’s that? Never heard of it

Does this even qualify as tree shaped?

Excuse me while I update my life goals list

Like…how did they even get that through the door?